Life of Riley: Who's a naughty boy?

June 7, 2000
Issue 

Life of Riley

Who's a naughty boy?

I'm afraid Winston is in the bad books. Everyone's favourite dummy has been a very naughty boy. (Haven't we Winston?)

He sure has. Winston has been so naughty that I've locked him in his case until he apologises. He can stay there all week as far as I care. (You hear that Winston? All week!)

It may be all right to poke fun at the democratic institutions of the Australian Commonwealth of consenting adult states, in the privacy of their own borders, and to send up the odd political figure here and there, but Winston has simply gone too far. I can't tell who's for real anymore. They're both ever so cheeky. Talk about a chip off the old block!

This Howard fella — the "real" prime minister, the one on the telly — has refused point blank to apologise for past deeds done. It wouldn't kill him to say sorry. Golly he's a politician! They've all got the gift of the gab. He doesn't have to mean it, you know.

Winston's the same. Stands up to me, cocky as anything and refuses to clean up after himself. Makes a mess and walks off and leaves it. What is it with these guys? Doesn't anyone take responsibility for their own actions nowadays? Someone's got to be to blame.

As far as I'm concerned, P.M. Winston — everyone's favourite DIY prime minister — will not be standing for public office unless he learns some manners. I've told the national executive of the P.M. Winston Party of Moderate and Peaceful Progress Within the Limits of The Law that it won't do to have a dummy like that running the country. It's bad form.

I thought we all stood for something special. I thought that P.M. Winston could be manipulated to the people's will. He'd be our PM. But what do I get instead? Tantrums. The sulks. Defiance. You can imagine my embarrassment.

So I've locked him up. And I'll throw away the key if he doesn't behave. (You hear that Winston?)

Then there is the matter of the GST. Mind you, that's a topic a bit beyond the dummy. (I'm sorry, but that's what you are, dear boy.) But what a right old mess that is. Talk about on the nose! No-one seems to want the new tax system. Not even dummies! God love 'em.

You have got to hand it to Winston, he wouldn't introduce a GST. Never in a million years. That's one of his strengths. It's sometimes an advantage not to have gone beyond the fifth grade. We want to keep it simple. (Don't we Winston?) Tax the rich and give to the poor. What could be simpler than that?

Hey, that would make a doozey of a policy. (What do you reckon, Winston?)

He agrees.

By Dave Riley
<http://www.ozemail.com.au/~dhell>

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