By Craig Cormick
Based on highly reliably international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.
US hostage crisis
During the European summer a group of wheelchair-bound US Jewish veterans of D-Day are taken hostage by an unnamed Middle Eastern terrorist group. The hostages are held in a small holiday camp in the German Black Forest.
The US refuses to negotiate with the terrorists and President Bill Clinton, still smarting from the latest round of Senate sex inquiries, decides to play tough and call in the troops.
However, the US crack anti-terrorist squad, the "Beavers", still trying to differentiate between a UN hospital and a Somalian arms supply, get lost en route to Europe and end up storming a holiday resort in Denmark.
The US president, not to be deterred, calls in several Malaysian timber companies, which have already proven their prowess in Papua New Guinea, by being able to enter an area, remove all the best logs and depart, without the government being aware of their existence.
True to form the Malaysians infiltrate the terrorists' camp one evening without being detected, but both the terrorists and the US president are surprised to find that they leave the veterans and instead make off with five hectares of prime timber encircling the camp.
Australian hostage crisis
Later in the year another Middle-eastern terrorist squad kidnaps a bus load of Australians and New Zealanders on an under-35s all-in-Europe-rage.
They demand the release of their comrades in prisons across Europe and the original video tapes of several specific US mini-series, but after 48 hours with the drunken tourists they surrender themselves to German police, saying prison and torture could be no worse.
Bronwyn Bishop in surprise run
After losing her shadow portfolio for continuing to speak out on the advantages of selling dangerous or out-of-date drugs to South-East Asia, Bronwyn Bishop resigns from the party and announces her intention to stand for election to the Catholic Church.
Running under the slogan "Bishop for Bishop", she gathers great momentum around the country, especially from religious conservatives who like her opposition to women priests.
However, her campaign runs out of steam when she discovers that she cannot be "elected" into the church.
Decrying the Catholic Church as "outdated and undemocratic", she then announces her intention to retire from politics altogether and devote her life to her inner goal of gaining a place on the women's water ballet team for the 2000 Olympics.