NFF to reform higher education
By John Tomlinson
Today, Ms Ima Mug, spokesperson for the Anti-vice Chancellors' Committee for Furthering Managerialism and Economic Bloody Mindedness, welcomed what she called the "magnificent offer by Mr Dullard McGauchie for the National Farmers Federation to put Dubai-trained soldiers into universities".
Speaking at the University of the Surreal World, Ms Mug stressed the gratitude that anti-vice chancellors felt when they heard the NFF had finally turned its sights on after sorting out irresponsible elements on the wharves and radical shop assistants who refused to work for the dole. Mug implied that backroom negotiations had been under way for several months.
Mr McGauchie announced that the "National Farmers Federation have long cherished the hope that they would be called upon to sort out the long-haired, commie weirdos who infest universities. The bloody wharfies just held out for decent pay and conditions and refused to engage in unsafe work practices, but teachers at universities are a far greater menace. They have to be eradicated."
Mr McGauchie indicated that the NFF had received unanimous support for its plans to take over higher education. "We are going to have to start from the beginning. A lot of damage has already been done", he said.
"Most of these ivy towered academics wouldn't know how to castrate a bull, they spend too much time reading. They are just bloody inefficient. If they had just one or two books, it wouldn't be so bad. We are going to start by burning books, and academics too if they get in the way."