News from the time warp

By Allen Myers Surfing the internet recently, I was amazed — even surprised — when my computer appeared to fall into a time warp and began spewing out news reports from the future. Following is a selection from those reports. February 6, 1996:* The [NSW] Government will establish a new Police Corruption Commission (PCC) with sweeping powers after the first report of the Royal Commission into Police Corruption found evidence of widespread corruption, criminal conduct and perjury within the force. (From the Australian) March 27, 2001: Delivering his preliminary report on the first eight months of the Royal Commission into the NSW Police Corruption Commission, Justice Burp recommended that the state government tackle corruption head on by establishing a Police Corruption Commission Corruption Commission (PCCCC) with wide-ranging powers to investigate all aspects of PCC members' finances. Premier Lauer responded immediately by pledging to implement all the recommendations and "cut out this cancer which is threatening the very life of our law enforcement system". (Murdoch-Reuter Globochannel dispatch) November 11, 2005: The long-awaited preliminary report of the NSW Royal Commission into Corruption in the PCCCC has called for the establishment of a Police Corruption Commission Corruption Commission Corruption Commission (PC6). Premier Lysaught welcomed the recommendation to require periodic random checks of the body fluids of all PC4 and lower employees and their relatives and friends, and pledged a "Remembrance Day massacre of corruption in our enforcement network". (Murdoch Interplanetary dispatch) January 26, 2012: In his Australia Day address in Sydney today, Premier Saffron said that "the critics of the Royal Commission into the royal commissions into PC8 and PC10 have yet to produce evidence that will stand up to cross-fire — I mean cross-examination", but promised a new body with "totally arbitrary powers of arrest and torture" in order to "stamp out the slightest hint of corruption in the constantly expanding enforcement web". (Murdoch Universal dispatch) April 1, 2017: Judge Mugwump, speaking via a scrambled line from a carefully concealed location, said that the RC into the RC into the RC into PC14 had arrived at the tentative conclusion that "naughtiness in the enforcement cancer is more widespread than expected". In a statement released later in the day by its office, Premier Megacorp replied, "Don't you worry 'bout that", and said it would take its record on law and order proudly into the next election, campaigning on a program of random executions in the populace at large. (God-Murdoch dispatch) May 1, 2025: The anonymous head of (RC)5 x PC28 delivered her recommendations this morning, saying that the only thing which would curtail corruption in NSW was "the legalisation of drugs and the outlawing of money". Premier Us Pty Ltd this evening expressed his "deep sorrow at the unexpected demise of what's-her-name. We will all miss her funny suggestions." Forget you read this. (Murdoch-God dispatch) * My time warp experience occurred on February 1, five days before the date of this report. When the information on my screen later proved true, it was convincing proof that the strange experience was in fact a truthful glimpse of the future. Readers who want to check the future for themselves should browse the World Wide Web at http://www.coppers.nsw.money/~everything.is.com/. There are rumours that this site will soon be censored or shut down by the newly formed Internet Police, so move quickly. (Sadly, the site contained no information about future horse races — some futures are more secret than others.)