By Craig Cormick
Blast magazine has received leaked copies of confidential government analyses of global political trends, and combined with the talents of our staff astrologer, we boldly outline the destiny of our globe towards the year 2001.
Japan
Japan finally fulfils its corporate mission statement to become the major global power but suffers continuing internal political turmoil when it is unable to find a prime ministerial candidate untainted by corruption. The Yakuza, now a registered company, become the leading political party and assumes power.
Japan is so rich it buys Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch. News Limited publications are now published in comic form. Global television is awash with Japanese sit coms and game shows.
In 1994 the Japanese military regain power in a coup, and the Yakuza set up government-in-exile in the Multi-Function Polis in Adelaide.
South Africa
Michael Jackson emigrates to South Africa and is voted president of the newly democratic republic. He stands as a white candidate amongst the white electorate and a black candidate amongst the black electorate. After six months in power he declares South Africa a monarchy. King Michael the First marries his sister, La Toya Jackson, and starts a royal line that is no less inbred or bizarre than any of the previous rulers of South Africa.
Papua New Guinea
In an effort to solve the long-running conflict with Bougainville, the Papua New Guinea government sells the island to Japan, who redevelop it as retirement resort.
USA
George Bush is re-elected president, but dies on his second day in office. Assassination is suspected by a consortium of Cuban-Mafia-Iraqi-CIA-Jews-Hollywood-farm lobbyists, but nothing can be proven. Disneyland Inc comes to the rescue with a George Bush robot that is installed in the White House in his place. Despite having a vocabulary of only 75 words and phrases limited to praising the Gulf War and the end of the Cold War, nobody notices the substitution.
Now a second-rate global power, with an unpayable national debt, the USA seeks IMF advice and immediately plunges into deep recession. As food riots break out in major cities, US citizens begin sneaking across the border into Mexico.
Australia
Australia finally becomes a republic in the year 2000. The first President is Ray Martin, who sweeps in on the grey vote. ALP, now split into 17 major factions, is unable to put forward a single candidate. The Liberal Party cannot find a candidate.
The new prime minister, Derryn Hinch, leading the No Republican Party, immediately accepts the Republic and declares a new era of prosperity, based upon consensus, marked by public war on perverts, compulsory Japanese at school and public floggings for dissent.
Australia's three remaining farmers hold a protest rally in Canberra and are arrested and flogged in public. Their farms are sold off to a consortium of South American immigrants, and a new era of prosperity begins as Australia becomes the world's major cocaine exporting nation.
An Aboriginal land claim is placed on the MFP site in Adelaide, and the Japanese government-in-exile responds by buying the whole state of South Australia, declaring it an independent sovereign nation and deporting all non-Japanese speakers.
Israel
The Messiah returns to downtown Jerusalem. But before He can announce His presence, Israeli security forces, doing a spot check on identity papers, arrest and beat Him, and He dies in custody from a number of rubber bullet wounds.
God is not amused, and She sacks her PR company and sends down a plague of English soccer hooligans.
Iraq
Saddam Hussein is finally assassinated, by a US-backed private consortium of Cuban-Mafia-CIA-Jews-etc, funded by Oliver Stone, who buys the movie rights and signs up Kevin Costner for the lead role. Shooting begins at dawn.
Indonesia
Following military massacres in Irian Jaya, Aceh, Bali and Borneo, the Indonesian government succumbs to international pressure and allows limited independence in many areas. Limited
elections are held, under Burmese supervision, and President Suharto and Family Inc receive 120% of the vote.
China
The population rate begins to climb alarmingly. In an effort to curb its growth, the government grants limited democracy. The ensuing civil conflict kills an estimated 30% of the nation. Following the conflicts, the Old Guard declares communism dead and pronounces China a National-Socialist state.
Russia
The break-up and breakdown of the former USSR continues. There are now 217 independent states divided upon ethnic, geographical, economic, political and family grounds. The military attempt another coup against the newly elected generalissimo-for-life, Boris Yeltsin (VIP), but the coup fails when the tanks runs out of petrol before reaching Red Square.
In a major sell-off of assets, the space program is sold to Britain, the military to Israel, the Bolshoi Theatre to the Japanese, and most of the athletes to the USA. The Australian government gets a very good deal on the national water ballet team, who are installed at the Australian Institute of Sport on life scholarships. Water ballet becomes Australia's new national sport.
Europe
In 1993 Europe becomes a single economic market and is so pleased with the result that in 1994 it becomes a single country — Europa. Eighty per cent of the population migrate to Germany, and with its newly enlarged numbers, German becomes the dominant language and culture of Europa. France secedes from Europa and moves its parliament to Tahiti until several cabinet ministers contract radiation-induced terminal cancer. By 1996 Europa becomes totally German and Helmut Kohl is re-re-re-elected as chancellor of the Fourth Reich.
The United Nations
In an effort to raise funds and influence, the UN becomes a private company, specialising in conflict resolution, translation services and map drawing. After six months' operation, it is declared bankrupt and sold to a Japanese-Arab consortium. The UN is relocated in the newly occupied Japanese Islamic State of Queensland, as a tourist attraction.
Africa
Millions die in famines, plagues, earthquakes and wars. The world
continues not to notice.
Britain
Queen Elizabeth dies peacefully after a corgi bite becomes infected. Prince Charles ascends to the throne. He is assassinated by an IRA architect. Civil war erupts, and Margaret Thatcher resumes control at the head of a military government. The remaining royal family set up a government in exile in the offices of the Australian Women's Weekly Monthly in Sydney.
Publishing
Blast magazine becomes immensely popular, and the Australian populace resume the long-neglected and almost forgotten skills of reading, commenting, critically analysing and even thinking.
[From Blast.]