Life of Riley: Win with Winston

February 23, 2000
Issue 

Life of Riley

Win with Winston

I would like to thank everyone who sent get well greetings to Winston — the vent figure who will one day be our own DIY prime minister. It has been an immense comfort to Winston and myself to know that so many of you have been concerned about the trauma he has been experiencing after his recent accident.

We can now put your minds at rest: On Thursday last, Winston went into surgery and was worked on by the best papier-mache surgeons available. The record of the Doll and Teddy Hospital in recovering feral opticals is second to none and I am delighted to report that Winston's two peepers have been rescued from the confines of his cranium where a precocious five year old had inadvertently poked them.

Picture All your prayers and best wishes have been answered and P.M.Winston is on the road to recovery. At this moment he is resting comfortably (but no visitors please).

Of course, immediately post-op he seemed to be in a lot of pain; given the invasive nature of the surgery, that was to be expected. But now the swelling is receding and as soon as the bandages can be removed we will be able to try out his new flip-top head and some other features of the opportune refit.

With full recovery, Winston should be able to return to the campaign trail and give his very best to all you little people out there who have invested such high hopes in his bid for national office.

Before Winston went under the knife, I sat down with him to review some key aspects of strategy. Despite his obvious discomfort and blindness, he wanted me to arrange a busy schedule of personal appearances as soon as he was discharged from hospital. I advised against it, but you know Winston — he is like a bull at a gate.

We also decided to create a new image for him. Given that the Australian people expect their prime minister to attain a certain status before taking on the top job, Winston is keen to become a national celebrity as soon as it can be arranged.

As you can guess, that's easier said than done. As his mentor, best friend and campaign manager, it is my task to ensure that P.M.Winston — the "P.M." is something new we've added to his name — obtains as much national exposure as he can handle.

So, while he will be available to all media outlets for interviews, statements and the like, Winston is keen for his constituency — that's you folk — to have ready access to him. As a figure for all the people — not just sectional interests — that's priority number one.

To that end, P.M.Winston, the future DIY prime minister of Australia, now has his own web page and chat room where you can learn what makes this extraordinary dummy tick. Why don't you visit him on the web sometime, become a P.M.Winston pen pal and, most exciting of all, sign on with the P.M.Winston Parliamentary Party (patent pending)? All campaign contributions are tax deductible.

And remember: there's a new world to win with Winston — the future DIY prime minister of Australia!

[You can visit Winston on the web at <http://www.ozemail.com.au/~dhell/winston.htm>.]

By Dave Riley

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