How about terminations for telephones?
How are you today sir? Very fine, yes? Looking for something special? You've come to the right place. Come, let me show you. Never mind the quality, feel the width. And cheap! So cheap! You won't believe me when I tell you.
I see something else has caught the gentleman's eye. What a discerning eye you have sir. That's a fine piece that is. I don't think I have seen a finer piece. If I may say so: you have an eye for quality merchandise, sir.
The price? Excuse me why I indulge in some teeth sucking ... To be honest with you, sir, I'd find it very difficult to part with such a piece. We've come quite attached to it, we have. It's an heirloom, that one. It means a lot to the present owners.
Don't get me wrong. It's for sale. Anything that may catch the gentleman's fancy is priced to go. Mark my words: Honest John will not be beaten on price. I marked down those airport terminals only yesterday. But — how can I put this — quite frankly, for the moment, sir, all I can do is record your interest.
I'm sorry, that's all I can do. Such a pity really. A capital piece like that and my hands are tied.
But I'll tell you what I'll do. Mum's the word, right? Between you, me and the lamp post: I'm working on it. Say no more. A wink is as good as a nod, sir.
I've got a few feelers out. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, sir.
You seem a smart gentleman — if I may say so. Yes, indeed — I know my people, sir. And a gentleman like yourself — wise to the ways of the world of commerce — will realise that a honest broker such as my humble self must at times haggle a little. Such is our way, sir.
Only last week my story could have been different. I was close. I thought I had it all sown up. Oh sir, how sweet it was! Missed it by (snaps fingers) that much. Imagine my disappointment.
Is the gentleman perchance familiar with abortion? Then, sir, you would recognise how fortunate I was to be asked to offer abortion as trade for such a franchise. Fair exchange, as it is said, is no robbery.
The market place is a weird and wonderful thing, isn't it, sir? When a profit is at stake anything has its price. Anything. No truer word, eh? Think of it, sir: terminations for telephones! And me (snaps fingers) that close!
So you see, sir, here at John Howard's Discount Superstore we stand by every product we sell. You want it; we've got it. And if not, we'll get it for you. That's our promise.
Drop in again some time soon. And mark my words: that Telstra equity you seem so keen about? Come see me and we'll talk. You never know, but maybe I can get it for you wholesale!
Dave Riley