Good morning Vietnam!

Issue 

Good morning Vietnam!

Good morning, Vietnam! And it's a lovely day here in beautiful downtown Pristina. Wakey wakey, hands off snakey. It's time to rise and shine! Up and at them! It's yours truly on the dial way until 10 this AM today. Yessiree, you lucky peoples, news on the hour and some of the sweetest sounds this side of the Adriatic. That's our promise. And I ain't foolin'. We aim to please all our listeners here on 3SLAV Armed Forces Radio — the voice of NATO in the Balkans. And talking of NATO (and who's not nowadays?) did you hear the one about the little village who wasn't? No more that is! Had to destroy it to save it! Boom! Boom! Gotcha that time! Oh, boy, I'm good! And it's six-o-five here on dial-a-fine-morning radio. If you aren't up: WELL YOU SHOULD BE! Hands off cocks and onto socks! There's a nation out there waitin' for you. Go for it you he-men and lasses you! Go save its sweet Balkan arse. Ooowee! You're simply a great bunch of killers. We hear via the grapevine that some of our daring fly boys went out last night set to do the town. Seems they couldn't find it! Had bombed it back to the Stone Age already a week ago. Boom! Boom! What silly billies! Come on, let's give our air patrol a hand. Our special name-the-target competition is still running. So send in your preferred objective on the back of an envelope and we'll see if it's still there. And if it is: bombs away! And we'll have a winner! Oh, you lucky people. And it's just after six on the dial here at 3SLAV Armed forces Radio — the voice of NATO in the Balkans — coming to you from liberated Pristina where there's fun and laughter a plenty, dancing in the streets ... Just kidding! Boy, am I kidding! There is nothing so important as liberty and freedom, right? But here there is nothing! Where can you get a decent cup of coffee in this town? And the burgers ... what about them burgers! I thought we were making this place safe from whatever. Whatever it was, sure didn't include takeaway. (And talkin' of takeaway — lads, always wear a condom, won't you?) But hey! That's all par for the course. We're back kickin' arse. And lovin' it! And that can't be at all bad. GOOD MORNING VIETNAM! It's been a long time. This sure is the way it should be. What a wonderful world!

By Dave Riley