Life of Riley: Toot this and toot that

June 30, 1999
Issue 

Life of Riley

Toot this and toot that

I think it goes like this: everything passes, everything changes, everything dies. Except in the original French, it had a line of toutes in it — being, as it were, a French thing to say. But my linguistic skills are no longer up to the task of offering you a larger sample of them other than toute something or other. I do know that you say it like the Little Red Engine would — as "toot". So it's "toot" this and "toot" that.

But you get my meaning, don't you? Everything ends. What a bummer! Whether it be sex or cough drops, sooner or later they pass, change, die — or are swallowed. No more. Finis (that's another French word). Whether you think this is a particularly profound observation or not depends on where you're at.

If you were like my friend Ray, who was of histrionic bent, you pin this statement to your front door and go off to commit suicide forgetting that not everyone knows their French. (As it turned out, he just roamed around the streets drunk for the night, then came home and translated it for us.)

But as sayings go, it made an impression on my young mind: everything does pass/ends/dies. Personally, I prefer this to: "All good things must come to an end" because the toot version covers more ground. It may be all right to say to the kids "All good things must come to an end" in order to extract them from the Nintendo and send them to bed, but for those who have a few years up on them, the tendency is to take our toots seriously. Indeed, nowadays, everything is a toot. The war in Kosova — that's a toot. The Democrats' opposition to anything you care to mention, that's another. Even your job.

I was reading in the paper just this week that perhaps one quarter of the Australian work force face the threat of redundancy. I can't tell you the exact figures because the page in question ended up on the floor of the budgie's cage. But you get my point, don't you? That doesn't mean you're all going to get the sack. But you could be. You don't know. Take the BHP example. Share prices went up (that's right! Up!) this week for the company when the BHP board decided to sack its US work force. And how about those coalminers whose company went broke on them? You never know. It's getting so that your job is the biggest toot of all.

Can you imagine how that must make you feel? You look into the future and you simply can't see past Christmas. Oh, you may think you do — you may talk about the future like it was promised — but really you don't know. You can forget about all your other anxieties — taken by a shark, run over by a bus, hospitalised without clean underwear — and relegate them to secondary status. Your problem — whether you recognise it or not — is that you simply don't know. It could be you — next time.

This uncertainty may be something to be philosophical about, an excuse for you to shrug your shoulders, but I'm man enough to face up to my demons. I've got insight. I know I've got problems. They've been saying that for years: "That boy's got problems" — and now I believe them. All I wanted out of life was my share of the happily ever afters.

But now, I don't know. Now, I've been tooted. Toot! Toot! Dave. Toot! Toot!

By Dave Riley

You need Green Left, and we need you!

Green Left is funded by contributions from readers and supporters. Help us reach our funding target.

Make a One-off Donation or choose from one of our Monthly Donation options.

Become a supporter to get the digital edition for $5 per month or the print edition for $10 per month. One-time payment options are available.

You can also call 1800 634 206 to make a donation or to become a supporter. Thank you.