An Anti-Christmas Poem
Unwillingly dress up as Santa,
Put up with their tedious banter
Feed your unwanted relations,
With their loud offspring have patience.
Don't trip over kiddies' toys,
Somehow stand the eternal noise,
Funny hats, exploding crackers,
And too much of the god Bacchus.
Show yourself happy and perky
As you endlessly carve turkey,
While around the carols thunder,
And the kiddies seize their plunder.
Deck the Christmas tree, which wobbles
With its ugly useless baubles.
In your heart admit Noel
Is a ghastly boring hell.
It may cause a serious rift
If you pass on last year's gift
From Aunt Anne to Cousin Molly —
Christmas mayn't be quite so jolly.
It will be a trifle shocking
If in his small hung-up stocking
Your child finds Madonna's book,
Bought because you want a look.
Welcome the unwanted present
With a smile that's false, yet pleasant.
Send expensive Christmas cards
With frightful verse by clumsy bards.
Remember you'll offend the rest if
You don't join the occasion festive.
Who can blame your furtive tear
As you long for the New Year?