We kid you not

Issue 

Murdoch likes compliant politics

“Only met PMs when asked ... and NEVER asked for anything”.
Rupert Murdoch on Twitter, reassuring us that Australia’s political leaders are so compliant, he hasn’t had to resort to hacking.
― February 5

Rinehart's bid to nuke Oz

“It’s a pity it didn’t happen”.
Gina Rinehart lamenting that her plan to use nuclear explosions in open cut mining never radiated.
Australian Story, May 1997

Banker greed

“An opportunity for the customer to get ahead by paying more than they need to.”
Westpac explaining how its failure to pass on RBA interest rate cuts have helped customers. Next, home foreclosures will be described as “an opportunity to search for a lovely new home”.
Sydney Morning Herald, February 6

To ‘overtly and covertly attack governments’

“We have been able to overtly and covertly attack governments … because we have people employed by us like Andrew Bolt and Alan Jones and Ray Hadley who agree with [Rinehart's] thinking about the development of our resources, we act in concert in that way.”
Australian entrepreneur John Singleton reveals his media henchmen
Good Weekend, February 4

Monckton ‘mentors’ mining magnates

“Is there an Australian version of Fox News?” British climate change sceptic Lord Monckton asked a WA think tank in July last year.
“No. Frankly whatever you do at a street level — which is what you are talking about here – is not going to have much of an impact compared with capturing an entire news media.
“You look at the impact that Andrew Bolt has had since he was rocketed to fame and – without giving away too many secrets — Joanne [climate sceptic Jo Nova] is going to end up doing quite a bit more on that channel if all goes according to plan.”
― Readfearn.com, February 1

Japan: 3000 radioactive cows vanish

“Japanese authorities have lost track of nearly 3000 dead cows suspected of containing high levels of radioactive caesium.
“The cows ate rice straw contaminated in the Fukushima nuclear disaster.
“Last year Japan's health ministry ordered the testing of more than 4,500 beef cattle suspected of being contaminated with radiation.
“But according to Japan's Yomiuri newspaper, so far only a third has been tested, with the distribution routes of about 3,000 head of slaughtered cattle remaining a mystery.”
― ABC News, January 27

Britain: ‘Suspicious-looking’ cop chases himself

“An undercover police officer ‘chased himself round the streets’ for 20 minutes after a CCTV operator mistook him for suspect.

“As the probationary officer from Sussex Police searched for suspects, the camera operator radioed that he had seen someone ‘acting suspiciously’ in the area.

“But he failed to realise that it was actually the plain-clothed officer he was watching on the screen, according to details leaked to an industry magazine.

“The operator directed the officer, who was on foot patrol, as he followed the ‘suspect’ on camera last month, telling his colleague on the ground that he was ‘hot on his heels’.

“The officer spent around 20 minutes giving chase before a sergeant came into the CCTV control room, recognised the 'suspect' and laughed hysterically at the mistake.”

An anonymous officer told Police magazine: “The CCTV operator soon had the suspect on camera and everywhere he saw the male the keen PC was on his heels ― radioing in to say he was in the same street.”
― Telegraph.co.uk, February 7