Today's DIY workshop: How to get deported


I was thinking that I wasn't as up as I should be with core Australian values. Here we have folk in the know like that Costello bloke going on about them , when I myself are a bit in the dark in that department.

How so?

I guess I'm taking a lot for granted, but who's to say Peter Costello's "core values" are the same as mine?

That's true.

He's saying that if you don't agree with his take on them, you can piss off.

He does?

He doesn't say "piss off" in those exact words, but that's his meaning.

Piss off?

Yes, if you aren't comfortable with the way Australia is structured.

He says that?

He does. " ... the way Australia is structured". Now who do you know is happy with the way things are here? It's all very fine and dandy for him to be smug and self satisfied about it, 'cause I'm certain the way things are suit him to a T. To a T. He's mellow is Pete.

He can afford to be.

But you know what else he says?

No. Do tell.

He says that if you want a Islamic state then Australia is not for you. What bull. An Islamic state! Who do you know wants one of those here in Oz?

Them radical Muslims do don't they?

Do they? Who says so? I thought all they wanted was us to get out of Iraq. You don't have to be a Muslim to want that. I reckon we got more problems here with those who want a fuckin' Christian state — excuse my French. And Costello goes on about this being a secular country! The federal government is giving money to church schools hand over fist 'cause they're blessed with being private. The local high is lucky to get a look in among all those hosanna pay outs. What's so secular about that?

He doesn't know what he's talking about.

That's the problem. He does. He's the federal treasurer. He signs the cheques.

That's state aid for you.

Yeah. I bet that's another "core value" I'm supposed to agree with.

Shush. Talk like that can get you deported.