Poem: Just Add Jesus


Just Add Jesus

Just add Jesus for instant art,
to pad that novel, to nail the charts,
Christ'll ride tall again and again in
the soapy saddle of pop art pain.
Inspiration at an ebb?
dust off that bible under your bed,
to one teaspoon of sacred heart add
a pinch of stigmata kickstarter,
crown of thorns, crucifix,
brother you've got the J.C. mix.
Just add Jesus, he's the big trigger,
the big brand name of verve and vigour,
the one to zanily juxtapose,
flying a jumbo, coking his nose,
at St Tropez among the jetset,
surfing the pipe or internet,
peddling beds with benedictions,
virtual reality crucifixions,
from babe in manger to busy bank manager
Christ approves prayers in three days sir.
Just add Jesus for a popular song,
Jim Reeves, Burl Ives and Bing weren't wrong,
Lou Reed, the King, Dylan, the Stones —
they've all pissed on the saviour's throne,
yes, every pasty pimp in rock has fleeced
ideas from the shepherd's flock,
characters, allusions, metaphors,
take Nick Cave — please — the mournful bore,
Nick's nicked so many ideas from Jesus
he could pluck his own ideas with tweezers,
metal bands, punks, goths, Madonna,
without the cross that bitch'd be a gonna,
grunge does Jesus by the truckload,
resurrected, the royalties owed could buy
Christ back the Catholic church.
Just add Jesus for a dose of guilt,
the foundation on which rebellion's built,
he's the catalyst amongst the pigeons,
the prick to kick against religion,
the whipping boy for the common language
of teenage rage, ire and anguish,
the petri dish for the artistic spore to
fester in flourish and flout the law.
So if you're jack of Jesus, go ahead, spill your guts,
but be grateful for someone to knee in the nuts,
for someone to fill your films and plays,
musicals, concerts and user pays,
from leading man to small bit part
you see it's Jesus that supports the arts,
so give a hand to the man as you starve in your garret
on a diet of cigarette butts and carrot,
give a hand to the man for some great raw stuff,
love, hate, death, sex, murder, lust,
jealousy, cowardice, hypocrisy, greed,
yes, what a friend we have in Jesus indeed.
Tug Dumbly