Nostradamus' Media Watch

November 23, 1994

By Craig Cormick

Based on highly reliably international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.

Clinton changes sides

An embattled Bill Clinton decides he has little future left as a Democrat President, and so changes sides to the Republicans.

In an unprecedented step, approved by the Republican-controlled House of Representatives and Senate, Clinton declares that he will continue his presidency as a Republican and changes his senior staff — including appointing half the Bush family and Dan Quayle as secretary of state.

A deal with senior Republicans entails dropping social reforms and gun control campaigns, in exchange for all investigations into Whitewater being dropped — as wonky financial dealings are quite the norm amongst the Republicans and serve to heighten one's stature within the party.

Attempted assassination of Alexander Downer

Alexander Downer's approval rating rises sharply after an assassination attempt at an open-air rally in Hobart.

Three dum-dum bullets are fired at him at close range — all of which narrowly miss — but one puts a hole in his policy speech.

The would-be assassin, disguised as a right-wing pro-logging activist, merges with the crowd and escapes.

A shaken Downer goes on national television, showing the hole in his policy statement. His approval rating, boosted by the sympathy vote, climbs to a record 49.9%, and might even have climbed higher, when journalists discover that the assassination attempt was staged.

According to a misdirected fax and an intercepted mobile phone call, the South Australian Liberal Backbench Think-tank, having noted that when shots were fired at the US White House, Bill Clinton's approval rating rose, had hired the assassin to shoot at Downer.

The Liberal Party go into damage control mode, as Downer's rating level begins falling again, sympathy being replaced by cynicism. However they are stunned into political immobility when it is revealed in an exclusive interview in New Idea that the gunman was not paid to miss.

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