The laughter of racist rednecksThe laughter of racist rednecks
"Solitude is an assertion of self-worth, because only in the stillness [of our true selves] can we hear the truth of our own unique voices." — Pearl Cleage, in Deals with the Devil and Other Reasons to Riot.
I have been in prison 18 years. I hear a lot of voices, inside of and outside of my true self. Fortunately, I have learned to hear myself as often as I hear others, because some of those voices are as sadly sickening as they are mired in sameness.
I learned in the early stages of imprisonment that the solitude of prison can be one's best friend or very worst enemy. With solitude, bitterness can develop, and from that bitterness a kind of revenge mentality can emerge from that mire of sameness.
In such cases, one's true self is rendered little more than a puppet whose strings are so connected to bitterness that self-direction is impossible.
With more and more frequency, I find myself in the company of youthful African-American men who are so thoroughly consumed with that bitterness (and the need for revenge) that they cannot see the bigger picture. It is as if it is far more important to "get even" than it is to get successful. Moreover, with but a few exceptions, the subject of their revenge is another African-American man.
In a group discussion I recently asked one man, who looks to be about 25 (and who has already done four years of a 10-year sentence), "Why do you have to have revenge?"
He explained that his partner in crime had sold him out. Then, as if to emphasise his need for revenge, he said, "Mr Jones, if I don't do something to him when I get out, everybody will think I'm a pussy".
"So what you really mean to say is that you are going to get even with him — not so much for yourself but for everybody else?" I asked him further, "Is everybody else doing this time for you?".
His look in my direction was incredulous. "Nah, you know what I mean ..."
I tried to project a sincere logic when I responded, "The best revenge is success", and asked him if he was listening to himself.
The essence of what I went on at some length to say to him and the others present was that his argument is based upon what some people will think of him, as opposed to what he will or should do with his life in spite of what they think.
It is with great sadness that I realise that so many men of colour are killing each other with such frequency that the only other group in the United States that even comes close is the Ku Klux Klan. When we, the men of an entire people, put ourselves in league with the likes of the KKK, we are not listening to our own true selves. If we do not stop what is happening soon, there will no longer be any of our voices to be heard.
"Listen! Did you hear that? Oh, come on now. I know you heard all that laughing. There it is again!"
"What does it sound like?", you ask.
"It sounds like the laughter of a bunch of sickening racist rednecks."
[The writer is a prisoner in the United States. He welcomes letters commenting on his columns. He can be written to at: Brandon Astor Jones, Georgia State Prison, HCO1, Reidsville, GA 30453, USA. For the first time in 17 years, Brandon has the real hope of his sentence of death being mitigated. If you can help by contributing to his defence fund or in other ways, please contact Australians Against Executions, PO Box 640, Milson's Point NSW 2061. Phone (02) 9955 1731, fax 9427 9489. Cheques can be made payable to "Brandon Astor Jones Defence Fund".]