Life of Riley: A metaphor

Issue 

Life of Riley

A metaphor

Hey! Wait up, Little John! You're moving as fast as those little legs of yours will carry you.

— Can't wait. Can't stop. Seven point five (pant), you know. Seven point f-I-v-e.

Seven point what? Jesus, can't you stop for a minute?

— I know we can. (Pant) I know we can. (Pant) I know ...

"Little John" Howard just could not stop. He ran faster and faster along the beach, saying to himself over and over again: "Seven point five" and "I know we can" as he ran up and down in his new pair of red Speedos.

Honest to goodness, John. I sometimes think you take the job too seriously.

— Too seriously? No-one can (pant) take unemployment like ours lightly. (Pant) I'm fighting day in and day out for jobs.

So what you doin' here? Training for the Olympics?

— Training? (Pant) No. I'm making a point.

For the National Heart Foundation? About lifestyle, health and fitness?

— No. (Pant) Baywatch.

Yeah. Right.

— It's something of a metaphor (pant) of the difficult public attitudes we have in this country towards job creation (pant).

You don't say?

— I certainly do (pant). We can't simultaneously say that an unemployment rate of 7.5% is too high, (pant) yet behave in an unwelcoming way towards opportunities that would generate more jobs.

Like Pamela Anderson's ... you know ...

— Breasts. I face facts. I call it (pant) as I see it. What sort of confused message do we send to the rest of the world if we lose such an opportunity for international exposure?

But BOOBwatch! What sort of a metaphor is that?

— A darn good one (pant). The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.

Baywatch?

— No. Jobwatch (pant). It's also a metaphor for my job creation program. I look out to sea and what do I see? The future (pant). Uranium mines, toxic waste dumps ... I see Baywatch as just the beginning (pant). These days we can't look a gift horse in the mouth.

So how much of a dent will Baywatch make in 7.5% unemployment?

— That's not the point. It's a figure of speech.

A metaphor?

— Yeah. I just know we can (pant).

By Dave Riley

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