Life of Riley: To GST or not


Life of Riley

To GST or not


HAMLET: To GST or not to GST — that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take up arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?

PRIME MINISTER [Entering]: How fares our cousin Hamlet?

HAMLET: Not now! I've yet to think a bit.


HAMLET: Now you've done it! I've lost my train of thought.

POLONIUS [Offstage]: I hide behind the arras. Then you say: "How now! A rat?".

HAMLET: No I don't. It's still the bit with the soliloquy. You're way ahead of yourself.

POLONIUS [Offstage]: No I'm not. You kill the rat.

PRIME MINISTER [Entering]: Act three, scene four: Polonius "falls and dies". That's what it says.

POLONIUS [Offstage]: O, I am slain!

PRIME MINISTER: There! Falls and dies! Falls and dies!

HAMLET: No. No. It's not like that at all. Hamlet first considers the GST.

POLONIUS [Offstage]: The what?

HAMLET: The goods and services tax. He ponders it.

PRIME MINISTER: But this is Denmark.

HAMLET: And "there's something rotten in the state thereof". Something rotten. Mark that!

POLONIUS [Offstage]: That explains the rat!

HAMLET: It's modern dress and Hamlet's in two minds about the GST.

POLONIUS [Offstage]: He's a wanker.

HAMLET: No. He's intellectually convoluted.

POLONIUS [Offstage]: Wanker.

HAMLET: Should he or shouldn't he? It's a metaphor.

PRIME MINISTER: All seems pretty simple to me. Either he's agin it or for it.

HAMLET: To you maybe. But Hamlet is a complex soul.

POLONIUS [Offstage]: So when does he get to kill the rat?

HAMLET: When he's finished with the GST.

PRIME MINISTER: Then he kills the rat in the arras.

POLONIUS [Offstage]: O, I am slain!

HAMLET: But first: To GST or not — that's the question.

By Dave Riley