Dicks in space!

August 31, 2021
Drawing by Helen Child.

Not content with f#%*ing our planet, billionaires are now competing in a self-indulgent race to f#%* space, while thousands die of COVID-19.

The race heated up in 2021 with billionaire Richard Branson thrusting his monstrous Virgin Galactic space plane into the outer reaches of sub-space, with him waving inside it.

Hot on his rear, Elon Musk launched a series of massively expensive, phallic robo rockets. Most of which failed to get up.

One that did rise to the occasion was the Space X something or other, which looked exactly like a smooth, white something or other of gargantuan proportions vibrating its way into sub-space oblivion... Complete with batteries.

Now, the richest man alive, Amazon slave master Jeff Bezos, has ejaculated himself into space in a weird robotic willy with detachable head and pop-out legs! Perhaps he hopes that if God is a woman, he can stick a bot bun in her oven.

This 10-minute joyride, with three minutes of "Yippy! I can float" time, cost $5.5 billion. Money that could have provided COVID-19 vaccines, medicines and food to thousands of people in poorer countries. Countries whose labour and resources helped make these wanking billionaires all that they are.

The goal of this excessive space dicking is not to help humanity in its greatest hour of need, but simply to create an elite space cruise, tour industry, with tickets selling for more money than most of us make in a lifetime.

Elon Musk says he wants to die on Mars. I’m hoping it will be on impact.

[Helchild is a Melbourne-based comedian and poet.]

You need Green Left, and we need you!

Green Left is funded by contributions from readers and supporters. Help us reach our funding target.

Make a One-off Donation or choose from one of our Monthly Donation options.

Become a supporter to get the digital edition for $5 per month or the print edition for $10 per month. One-time payment options are available.

You can also call 1800 634 206 to make a donation or to become a supporter. Thank you.