By Kevin Healy
What a delightful little fairytale at the National Press Club from the great workers' leader, little Billy Killthem, or Prince Billy as we know and love him. As Prince Billy said, "Once upon a time there was a handsome prince called Prince Billy, and a handsome prince called Prince Simon, and a handsome prince called Prince Martin Cliché, and a handsome prince called Prince Nuke.
"And these handsome princes said to the people: 'People, there has been a great famine in our land, but we will make an accord with you, and with the owners of the land. If you agree to tighten your belts and not eat the food that is there, so that the owners of the land have lots more food, then in just a short time there will be enough food for all of us.'
"So the people agreed — well, they didn't have much say in the matter really — and they tightened their belts. The owners of the land shared the burdens by amassing all the food and all the wealth, and Prince Billy and Prince Simon and Prince Martin Cliché and Prince Nuke received their gifts and rewards from the owners of the land, and they all lived happily for many years except for the people who had tightened their belts.
"Then after many years Prince Billy and Prince Simon and Prince Martin Cliché and Prince Nuke and the owners of the land said to the people, 'People, we appreciate the great sacrifices you have made. Sadly, and it does hurt us deeply to say this, they have not been deep enough for the country to recover from the great famine. But the good news is you no longer have to tighten your belts — this year, we believe if you actually give us your belts, the recovery should occur within a year or two.'
"The people said there was no problem in giving Prince Billy and Prince Simon and Prince Martin Cliché and Prince Nuke and the owners of the land their belts, because keeping up their clothing had long since been made redundant in the period of great sacrifice as they had become so skinny none of their clothing fitted anyway. 'Then give us your clothes as well', said the princes and the owners of the land." And thus little Billy Killthem completed his fairytale with the country on the brink of recovery.
Meanwhile the man who brought us the Brave New World Order, Georgie Bashed, told the cold, heartless, ruthless, atheistic commies in Moscow they should not be suspicious of businessmen — apparently business women are another matter altogether. "Those who succeed here should not be insulted and labelled as speculators and exploiters, because they are not",
Georgie said. I was stunned that there was even a need to make the point — it just showed how backward and uncivilised these commie countries are.
We know those kind, generous, gentle, altruistic business leaders devote their lives solely to the betterment of personkind, as our leading retailer Kills-Murders proved this week, bolstering the company to help the economy by sacking 800 greedy workers who were an impediment to the company's altruistic ambitions. And worse, those 800 people, if you could call them that, will probably now want to sponge on the public purse. No wonder our political leaders from both sides, the right and the right, demand policies to weed these people out of society.