Report of Redundancy Unit

July 31, 1996
Issue 

Subject: Melbourne Sympathy Orchestra

The unit attended a performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony, and observed the following:

1. For considerable periods, the oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.

2. All 12 violins were playing identical notes. This seems an unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be drastically cut. If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be obtained through the use of an inexpensive amplifier.

3. Much effort was involved in playing the demisemiquavers. This seems an excessive refinement; it is recommended that all notes be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver. This should make it possible to use trainees instead of craftsmen and women.

4. No useful purpose is served by having the horns repeat a passage that has already been handled by the strings. If all such redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced to 20 minutes.

In light of the above, one can only conclude that, had Schubert devoted sufficient attention to these matters, he would probably have had time to finish his symphony.
[Adapted from Red Tape, April-June 1994.]

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