By Kevin Healy
Australia celebrated world environment week with our great and beloved (still) prime minister Nuclear Hawke, by preserving him and his unquestioned integrity and honesty.
In the national capital, the most exciting competition since the great Surrey Hills Primary School Marble Championship was being held. Little Johnny Button 'n' Bows moved at the outset that there be no election speeches. "Everyone knows you can't believe anything in an election speech", he said.
The tragedy, of course, is that the challenge opened the way for the left-wing takeover of this country. I've been afraid to walk outside every morning this week, just in case the barricades have been erected at the corner, and I crawl under the bed every time I hear a car exhaust explode.
Fortunately, new deputy prime minister Brian Hoo won't be able to unleash his socialist nonsense on the country for a little while. As Brian pointed out, reform takes time. And after eight years of this lot, no-one's going to challenge that. Remember how we all considered old Goof a conservative when he won in '72 — yet he managed more reform in his first day than this lot have managed in eight years. Except for the great reform, deregulation, which has played so vital a role in our booming economy.
Also, Brian knows that for the socialist takeover to occur, they have to fool the employing classes into thinking they're no threat, so there will be a reprieve for us while he develops that ruse. Then there'll be an election campaign, and you can't show your colours there, can you?
The new treasurer said unemployment could peak at less than 11%. "Let's throw a party for the unemployed to celebrate these wonderful figures", Johnny Caringforthem suggested. "BYO of course."
But the week was spoiled by that disgraceful allegation about Nuclear Hawke and ASIO. "It's not true. I give you my word", OGABPM convinced the nation.
Speaking of ASIO, just occasionally something good really does happen, like the Tim Anderson acquittal. Now, I don't know why the fact that the real Hilton bombers have never been unmasked reminded me of ASIO. Must be that that fine organisation is probably spending millions trying to find the dastardly perpetrators.
And speaking of spending millions selflessly, Zion did that last week by blasting the proverbial out of Lebanon and the Palestinians. Prime Minister Sham-here explained that this was necessary to bring peace. "We will talk peace with the people we choose to talk peace with as long as they recognise the principle of Greater Zion and Greater Greater Zion and Greater Greater Greater Zion and ..." etc he said.
The US, in another harsh attack against encroachments across Middle East borders, said the daily bombing raids on unhelpful". The Palestinians agreed. "My word, the US is perspicacious", they said. "Isn't it wonderful that we can benefit from the values of the Brave New World Order!"