By Craig Cormick
Based on highly reliably international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.
Queen receives bedroom visitor
International media are revived from an ongoing recession when another visitor creeps into the queen's bedroom late at night. The mysterious stranger sneaks past several MI5 agents, 12 rather cold Coldstream Grenadiers and three corgis.
After conversing with her majesty for about 15 minutes on the benefits of fast-foods and vitamins for the rich and famous, the stranger mysteriously makes his way out once more, again eluding all the guards.
Her majesty immediately sounds the alarm, and Scotland Yard puts out a bulletin to apprehend the visitor, based on the queen's description of "a tall portly American, with white sequined flairs and long sideburns".
The international spiritual organisation, Elvis Watch, immediately proclaims the queen's bedroom a "shrine of significance".
President Clinton's bedroom visitors
Meanwhile, across the Atlantic in the bedroom of Bill Clinton, another sex scandal begins when female UN representatives from Serbia, Haiti and Bosnia all accuse the president of making sexual advances to them.
Going into routine damage control, the White House official spokes-team say that the representatives simply misunderstood Clinton's use of language, and that terms such as "blow me away" and "let's get into bed on this" are standard business and political expressions.
They decline, however, to explain why the president was naked except for a lurex Batman cape and a bat-belt with rope and handcuffs attached.
US invades Haiti
After weeks of speculation over whether it will or whether it won't, the US invades Haiti. But cautious of international condemnation of a military invasion, it sends a three-wave force of retired Miami real estate agents, cable TV games show hosts and missionaries from the Latter Day Church of Evangelical Capitalist Enlightenment.
The Haitian military-backed government capitulates within the week, in return for 50% rights on the TV mini-series.