Dot-dot-dot-dash-dash-dash-dot-dot-dot
The message from Asia has said it plain enough: "SOS. SOS. This is Asia. Position 45 N 150 E 90 W. Stop engine. We need assistance."
Of course you heard it. It was everywhere! Dot-dot-dot-dash-dash-dash-dot-dot-dot.
On the tellie. Help!
In all the papers. HELP!
All over the place. Brnnnng! "Hello. This is Asia calling."
And what does this particular region of the global economy hope to gain by coming to us cap in hand?
Asia: Aid, please, sir.
Aid!
Asia: Yes, sir. We've run out and would like some more.
What happened to the last lot we sent you?
Asia: Gone, sir.
Gone?
Asia: Yes, sir. All spent keeping Asia safe from godless communism.
Ah, the good fight. Them were the days.
Asia: Yes indeed, sir.
Back then, you really knew two wongs didn't make a white. I tell you when yellow peril got together with red menace, it was as if all our Christmases had come at once.
Asia: Better dead than red, sir.
Yes indeed. "Better dead than red." Golly, that takes me back ... We won in the end, you know.
Asia: That's what they say.
We kicked their little yellow commie behinds real good.
Asia: We soon learned to love the smell of napalm in the morning.
Of course you did.
Asia: Gee, but it's great to be Asian.
And free! Don't forget that. Free.
Asia: But freed Asia's got a slight problem.
Who hasn't these days?
Asia: I'm afraid the news is good and bad.
Well, don't hold back, tell me the good news.
Asia: The good news is that we're still beholden to you.
And so you should be. Still making a poor fist of things, I dare say. And the bad news?
Asia: The bad news is that if you don't help us, we'll take you down with us when we go.
By Dave Riley