Chesty Bond's undies
The name's Bond, Chesty Bond.
Ah yes. Finished textiles. Undergarments.
That's me. In-built gusset. Double-stitched trim. Do not bleach.
Hot iron.
Made in Australia.
Chest puffed out.
True blue.
Warm machine wash.
Chesty. It's gotta be.—
Bonds: 34% reducing to 17.5 over eight years. Five year freeze from 2000.
Protection or I'll piss off.
I beg your pardon?
The name's Bond, Chesty Bond. In-built gusset. Pouting nipples. Chest puffed out. True blue. Gotta have it.
Have what?
Protection.
So you have: 34% tariff reducing to 17.5 over eight years.
Or I'll piss off.
Stay.
You want me to stay?
Stay.
Warm machine wash.
I said stay.
Do not bleach. Do not dry clean. Do not tumble dry. All cotton.
Mr Bond, we're guaranteeing you a market share and underwriting your company's profits.
So I can stay?
Sure you can. No going off-shore for Chesty yet. Just think of it, Mr Bond. Underneath, the plain people of Australia will still be wearing you next to them. Sweaty armpits. Gluteus maximus. Nipples (x2). The nation's genitalia. Think of it, Mr Bond.
I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
All yours.
To have and to hold?
Sure.
And there I was thinking I was being put through the wringer.
Here's the really good part: We call it a job plan, Mr Bond, a job plan!
But employment in the industry is falling.
And will continue to — that's the good part. It's so apt. We're covering your arse.
Chesty Bond's undies: "Putting jobs first". I like it.
Undercover, you understand. With undies we're Y-front rather than up-front about this.
Underhand.
Precisely! And if perhaps you should decide to relocate production, say to China or elsewhere ... as a true blue, dinky dye, Australian type company ...
And proud of it.
We'll do right by you when the time comes.
By putting me first?
Always, Mr Bond. Always.
By Dave Riley