... and ain't i a woman?: Sexuality

Sexuality

By Kath Gelber

Those publications euphemistically called "women's magazines" tend to prey on and propagate the worst of our insecurities — about our size, our shape, our ability to communicate, our employability, our culinary skills, our clothes and our tastes in furniture. One of the most personal aspects of our characters — our sexuality — is not immune from the profit-driven machinations of the establishment press.

Are we good enough in bed; it must be our fault if he [sic] leaves; how to have the world's best orgasms; share your most secret fantasies so we can explain them to you; and of course, how often do you "do it"?

The answers to all these questions are revealed, the antidote to our most intimate fears sandwiched between the fashion pages, the latest fabulous diet that will have you back in that bikini two and a half weeks after giving birth to your third child, and the recipe pages.

It shouldn't be surprising that even our sexual abilities are manipulated by these poor excuses for infotainment. Nothing, after all, is sacred. But the level of manipulation inherent in these magazines' detours into the pleasures of the flesh is quite overwhelming.

First, we get to see lots of pictures of beautiful, anorexic women — this starts on the cover. Simultaneously we are treated to all the other headlines heralding the news we had to have. Like the cover of Elle magazine's latest birthday issue — "Elle MacPherson gives good phone", while "Kylie indulges her favourite playboy bunny fantasies".

A whole host of contradictory, confusing images and slogans designed to bring out the worst in our feelings of personal failings. Maybe our fantasies are too boring because we don't want to prance around the Sydney Opera House in a Playboy bunny suit — and besides aren't our thighs too big for that anyway? Do we give as good "phone" as Elle MacPherson? Indeed, a quick glance at any such mag leaves you full of a dread of terminal loneliness, ineptitude and inadequacy.

Sexuality should relate primarily to our desires. A more honest piece of journalism would bring up issues such as how sexism causes women to lose confidence in knowing and asking for what they want. How women getting involved in organising against sexism will build their confidence, learn to accept their bodies as they are instead of trying vainly to conform to some incredibly unrealistic stereotype and be able to express themselves more freely. By organising together, women will be begin to break down the limitations on their own free development — such as the lack of economic choices available to women to enable them to live independent lives.

These are the kinds of things that will make a difference to women's confidence about their own sexuality. And when women's confidence is more assured, they will also be able to enjoy sexuality more without worrying if they're doing it "right" or "often enough". In the meantime, chuck the infotainment into the recycling bin.

From GLW issue 177