The week that was
By Kevin Healy
A week when I was deeply moved, almost to the point of tears — even though I know real men don't shed tears — because suddenly, out of the blue, from an area where you least expect it, there was this beautiful and moving example of absolute honesty. Politics.
Here was the man who would be king, the man who would be the next prime minister of this great True Blue Aussie With the Big Red Heart, Johnny Hew-them, with the most honest statement we've ever heard from a politician. "The True Blue Aussie people", Johnny announced to a stunned nation, "have never had a government they deserve". Of course, we all knew that, but for a pollie to say it! "No", he said, "and there is no immediate prospect of them ever getting one". Full marks, John.
But honesty wasn't confined to the opposition. The government also announced a totally honest budget. As we know, for years the silly, naive business class has fallen for the socialist government's trick of pretending to help the corporate sector when in fact it was slowly but surely moving this country towards the final destruction of capitalism. But in this budget, they've admitted it. No more nonsense about supporting the business class: treasurer Johnny Mummykins admitted it in a fresh breeze of honesty.
"This budget", he said, and so did the world's greatest worst ex-treasurer Paul, "is a budget for the people". Take the public housing budget, for example — a classic example of helping the needy. "The money we have poured into public housing reflects the concerns of a caring government, unlike the cruel heartless opposition", that frightening socialist threat, Brian Hoo, confided. "We have directed this spending straight at the needy. We will put the poor into private housing they can't afford, thereby assisting one of the most needy sectors of society: the banks. And our brilliantly conceived handouts to private renters will pour public housing money into the pockets of one of the most needy and caring sectors of our society — the landlords."
And so it was in all areas of need. Transport funds were used to assist the very, very needy former very, very, very close and special friend of our former great and beloved prime minister Nuclear Hawke himself, Sir Peter Abeles-to-get-the-government's-ear, and Lindsay Foxy, and all their mates.
Naturally, the business community came out with all guns blazing. "How", they said, "how can we do what we do best, how can we create jobs, how can we practise laissez-faire, how can we operate in the unimpeded forces of the marketplace, without the heavy hand of inefficient government and red tape and green tape and black tape binding us up and tying us down, if the government won't provide the grants and tax incentives and subsidies and handouts, if it won't give us the chance to get our snouts into the public trough so that we can make this True Blue Aussie With the Big Red Heart so efficient, so tive, so free." Poor dears. If only the government would give them the chance to show what they can do entirely on their own.