Life of Riley: Do you want tax with that?

Do you want tax with that?

Please control yourselves. The Olympic torch may have touched down and the footy season is under way, but don't get too carried away. I fear that the introduction of a new tax system may be too much excitement for one year.

Think of your blood pressure! We can't have everyday Joe and Mary Blows wetting themselves in public. So calm down. Let the revolution run its course.

Those so blessed by economic circumstance that they qualify for their own Australian business number may now have a certain local standing, but remember that doesn't mean you can slap on a goods and service tax whenever you please. Don't go playing with it hither and non like a new toy.

Initiatives like the GST Board Game are frivolities that we could well do without. Tax reform is a serious business that warrants our respect. Apply for your new tax number by filling in the appropriate forms. Then go about your business as you would normally at this time of year.

Instead of "Stocktaking sale", run with "Get in before the GST". I understand it's a grabber! Don't forget to add a little something to the bottom of each invoice — you'll need to get into the habit of covering your arses. The consumer is sure to go along with the surcharge in the spirit of the revolution. So experiment a bit.

And remember first principles: If you don't know, guess. It's OK to charge like a wounded bull. Who's to know? The federal treasury certainly doesn't. Have a few stabs at it and see what happens.

I'm sure the buying public will be patient as we all work together, shoulder to the wheel of excise so to speak, making free enterprise just that little bit better (it was never really free, was it?)

As for all this talk about "rolling back the GST" coming from the opposition benches: who do they think they're kidding? Sure, Beazley and Co. may have to fiddle around the margins, but you better believe the GST is here to stay. You know it and I know it, so let's all get used to it.

Australia, whether you like it or not, you are getting GST with everything! Whoopee do!

By Dave Riley

<http://www.ozemail.com.au/~dhell>

From GLW issue 406