Life of Riley: Thwack!

Thwack!

'ello. 'ello. 'ello. What's this then? Been up to something I bet. Oh don't go actin' the little angle with me my lad. I know a villain when I see one. Come on. Come on. Show me your hands. Just as I thought. I wonder how that stone got there? Been grinding our own tahina muck have we? Golly I don't know how you A-rabs stomach the stuff. Looks like baby poo to me. Been making our own little plop plop for din din, eh? What's that I hear? Speak up.

— Palestine.

Getting foul mouthed are we? [THWACK!] Dirty words won't get you far with me. I don't like hearing dirty words this side of the Jordan. Upsets the locals no end. You cocky West Bank types think you are the ant's pants, coming over here and yelling "Palestine". [THWACK!] Well, matey, there ain't no such thing as Palestine. Not any more, anyway. This here land belongs to the children of Jacob. And, matey, that ain't you. Savvy? I'm chosen. You're not. End of story. There's a line in the sand and you can't cross it. And you know what that means? [THWACK!] What was that? I can't hear you?

— Palestine.

There you go again. [THWACK!] You pick up a stone and you think you can play at being David. That's not how it goes. After me — say it — Israel!

— Palestine.

[THWACK!]. No. No. Maybe you didn't hear me right. IS ... [THWACK!] ... RAY ... [THWACK!] ... ELLE ... [THWACK!].

— Palestine.

What we have here is a failure of communication. Don't mess with me. See this strong right arm and this big stick? [THWACK!] Listen. [THWACK!] Hear it. [THWACK!] What does it say?

— Palestine.

No. No. Shhhhh. Listen. [THWACK!] That doesn't sound like Palestine to me. No. That [THWACK!], my boy, is the voice of Israel.

BY DAVE RILEY
<dhell@ozemail.com.au>

From GLW issue 426