Life of Riley: It's all to plan

It's all to plan

Synopsis, being a summary of what has gone before, for the benefit of those who have only recently joined us:

THE HIRED HELP fly over head dropping incendiaries on selected targets. Every night it's bombs away as those daring-do flyboys risk their all in the name of whatever was said during last night's press briefing. As the bombs rain down,

SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC leads the Serbian cabinet and military in some energetic thigh slapping. He rolls around on the floor. He wets himself. He wipes his eyes. He downs a glass of slivovitz, and says: "Go for it!"

And another village burns in Kosova. Meanwhile,

THE KOSOVANS are heading for the exit. "It's all to plan", says

BILL CLINTON, bombardier extraordinaire and president of NATO. "Sometimes you must be cruel to be kind".

And another village burns in Kosova.

"Such kindness", say THE KOSOVANS. "That we should have such friends in so very high places (in planes flying over Pristina)."

And NATO tells them: "Love us. Love our bombs." Meanwhile,

THE KOSOVANS are heading for the exit. "It's all to plan", says

SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC. "When this is all over, Kosovo will be ours. Ha-ha."

"When this is all over, Kosovo will be yours. Ha-ha", says BILL CLINTON. (And, if it is possible to imagine:) Slob and Bill slap their thighs energetically. They roll around on the floor. They wet themselves. They wipe their eyes.

"To us!", they toast, and down a glass of slivovitz.

"To us! And to one unitary Balkan state!" They drink.

"To one nation under god! To Yugoslavia!" They drink.

"Ha-ha-ha.

"Just don't tell the Kosovans."

Dave Riley

From GLW issue 356