Loose cannons

Don't mention it

"Giving can improve a company's reputation and do wonders for morale, not to mention profits." — Donna Greaves, adviser to something called Philanthropy Australia, urging corporations to give to charity.

Great expectations

"I did not expect it to be like this when I joined up." — A US marine who depends upon food stamps to feed his family. Many lower ranks in the US military earn only US$1000 a month, less taxes.

Attractive

"What we were doing was primarily making it more attractive to people who had it already." — A spokesperson for health minister Michael Wooldridge, on figures showing that the government's $1.7 billion rebate hasn't persuaded more people to take out private health insurance.

First, buy health insurance

"You have two, don't you? Many of our borrowers have only one kidney." — The collection officer for a Japanese loan agency, pressuring a debtor to sell body parts in order to repay his debt.

Better late than never

"An off-site emergency plan for Derby will certainly be looked at in our continuing review." — A spokesperson for the British Nuclear Installations Inspectorate, after the revelation that a Rolls Royce plant in Derby has been secretly manufacturing nuclear fuel.

Priorities

"We've got to get taxes down in this country." — Rupert Murdoch.

Branch closing potential

"We are not yet achieving our full potential." — Westpac managing director David Morgan, after the bank reported a 14.5% rise in net profit, to $1.46 billion.

From GLW issue 384