Life of Riley: Playing by the rules

Playing by the rules

Now there's something you don't read about every day.

— What's that?

A shootin', tootin', bang up war.

— A war?

Yep. This time with Iraq.

— But we had a war with Iraq last time, didn't we?

Sure did. This time it's different. This time it's a war to end all wars. We're gonna teach them Iraqi bastards that we're not to be messed about with.

— We're gonna whip their behinds real good, eh?

You bet. We're gonna teach them Iraqis to play by the rules. Our rules.

— Oooweee! I love it when we talk like that.

Yeah. Ain't it great.

— So what they done this time?

Done? Does it matter? All we have to know is that we gonna kick arse.

— You bet! But does it say there what they done wrong?

It says here that them Iraqis ain't been playing hide-and-seek the way they s'posed to.

— They been cheatin'?

Yep. Been cheatin' all the time. Won't let ya look where ya want. So we gonna make 'em let us.

— Oooweee! We're gonna make 'em all right. But what we lookin' for?

Stuff. Secret stuff.

— But how we supposed to know when we find it?

Gee. I dunno. All I know is we gotta keep on lookin' till we get warm.

— Then what?

Gee. I dunno. I just know them Iraqis gotta do what we say or we'll ...

— Bomb 'em back to kingdom come.

Yeah, that ... and the sanctions.

— Sanctions?

Says here that over a million people have died there because of them already.

— Jesus. A million, eh?

That's what it says. One million people at the rate of 250 to 300 a day.

— So why we wanna go in there and kick 'em good when they're droppin' like flies already?

Beats me. Guess it's 'cause they deserve it.

— Deserve it! Jesus! They must be gluttons for punishment. How bad you gotta be at hide-and-seek to get into that much trouble?

Beats me. Guess it's 'cause we like dishin' it out.

By Dave Riley

From GLW issue 341