Nostradamus' Media Watch

By Craig Cormick

@column = Based on highly reliable international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.

@column = Murdoch goes west

@column = Rupert Murdoch announces that he is cancelling plans to establish a major film studio and Sydney and that he will relocate the facility to Perth.

@column = In a statement, somewhat distorted by the running spa water, from his private jet, he tells John Laws on talkback radio that with the talent of Carmen Lawrence, Graeme Campbell and Noel Crichton-Browne, all the best Australian drama is in Western Australia.

@column = Chirac changes tack

@column = In an effort to win some international support for his nuclear testing program, French President Jacques Chirac buys air time on CNN both to deny that he has a tiny penis and to inform the world that he has changed the testing plans.

@column = In his speech, aired between MTV videos and a repeat of Lost in Space, he says that the French government is no longer interested in nuclear testing for reasons of scientific research. All future French tests will instead be conducted as memorial re-enactments of the bombing of Hiroshima.

@column = After further international condemnation, Chirac again buys time on CNN. This time he stands before the camera for 15 minutes, flicking boogers at the camera, blowing raspberries and muttering "uncultured barbarians".

@column = It becomes a hit cult video.

@column = Goss doubles motorway

@column = Queensland Premier-barely-elect Wayne Goss announces plans to double the width of the controversial Brisbane to Gold Coast freeway.

@column = Protesting residents in the four electorates who last month voted against his government over the planned motorway step up their protests and picket Goss' office.

@column = In response, he issues a statement: "These people don't realise when they are well off. What other opposition electorates in Australia could expect to have major road improvements done in their area?"

From GLW issue 198