By Craig Cormick
Based on highly reliably international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.
Surprise UN peace initiative
The United Nations will announce an initiative to reassert a major role in world affairs in the next four weeks.
Newly elected UN Secretary General Michael Jackson will reveal a surprise plan to recruit Somali clansmen to form a corps of Bosnian "peace enforcers".
The troops will be supported by a tactical response choreographic troupe, who will begin intensive drilling of the clansman in preparation for appearances in musical film clips.
Ferdinand Marcos' remains return
Former Philippine president Ferdinand Marcos is seen walking in the streets of Manila.
The event is reported in all the major tabloids of the world, with blurred photographs of a small man in a white shirt threatening the photographer with a pistol.
Credence is added to the report as he is claimed to have been handing out 10 peso notes in the richer suburbs and taking money from people in the poorer ones.
Derryn Hinch, Mike Willesee and Stan Grant announce planned exclusive interviews, as teams of researchers descend upon the Philippines, but return two weeks later with sun burn, heat stroke, amoebic diarrhoea and one case of genital herpes.
The US-based organisation, Elvis Presley Watch, is called in to confirm the sightings, but only succeeds in locating Harold Holt in a Chinese villa by the sea.
Native title dilemma in Queensland
Following the passing of the federal government's native title legislation, former Queensland National Party premier Joh Bjelke-Petersen publicly announces that he has Aboriginal blood, and has secretly maintained tribal rituals on his property at Kingaroy for several decades.
He also makes a claim on the surrounding properties, covering roughly the area of his old parliamentary electorate.
While his claim is being assessed by the Native Title Tribunal, he adds stands for election to the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island Commission and alleges that he had been harassed by police and banned from entry into a pub.
He also offers to tour south-east Queensland with Yothu Yindi, but no firm tour dates are confirmed.
Menzies diaries scandal
A pre-Christmas scandal erupts when Robert Menzies' secret diaries are uncovered, and reveal that he was a communist sympathiser.
Other revelations found in the diaries, scrawled in tiny writing inside the margins of the complete works of Mao Zedong, include his close personal friendship with Stalin, three secret trips to North Vietnam, and his involvement in the abduction of Harold Holt by the Chinese Olympic Submarine Squad.
International experts debate the authenticity of the diaries while the Liberal Party, recovering quickly from a state of near-comatose shock, buys first rights to the mini-series, with an option to produce a musical.