Di is dead
As if you did not know! No slim note squeezed into the obituary columns for this one.
“DIANA, late of Windsor palace ... (etcetera)” is dead and buried. Amen to that, world. She's gone. Kaput. Passed on. Had her innings. Breathed her last. Snuffed it.
The worldwide mortality for the day in question will henceforth be referenced as the day Di died. The other poor dear departed -- whose names need not concern us here -- are blessed with anonymity.
A VOICE: Hang on. What other poor dear departed? There was just the boyfriend and the chauffeur.
MYSELF: No. No. My good man. You miss my point. While it is true that two other occupants of the vehicle were also killed, during the day of the accident many others also died.
“Which others?”
“Deary me. They're too numerous to mention. Thousands surely died. And very few of those lived in the comfort that the princess enjoyed.”
“So she got lucky. There's no reason to begrudge her that.”
“Oh, I don't. Good on her, I say. She's welcome to her fortune. But just because she got lucky (as you say), it doesn't mean we have to moon over her. While she and the English monarchy wallowed in their riches, what about the rest of us?”
(Sadly). “But Di was special.”
“She could afford to be.”
“She cared.”
“Let's just say she picked her causes. She nonetheless let Thatcherism go by or the New World Order arrive without so much as a murmur. If all these notables were really so chuffed by her passing, you'd think the least they could do was ban land mines -- perhaps by making the deed a memorial.”
“Nonetheless, compared to the rest of them, she was the people's princess.”
“Do you realise how much blood has been shed over the centuries in order to democratise the monarchy? Even the English establishment, which today is so keen to mark the death of a princess, once chopped a king's head off. And what would Shakespeare have written about if the throne of England was not stained with blood?”
“Like Richard the one hundred and eleventh?”
“Yes, like Richard III. Diana enjoyed her position at the cost of such deeds gone by and always at the expense of the lives of those same common people now being urged to mourn her passing.”
“I gather you're no monarchist?”
“This death has worked wonders. Despite the disparities of income and class that divide us, we can all grieve as one. Who needs a good bang-up shooting war when the death of just one mortal can do the job for you? I reckon if they want to keep nationalism alive, each state should selectively kill off its notables. Which Australian do you reckon should be offed first?”
“Don't be so morbid.”
“Perhaps you're right. As a corpse, Diana had classic attributes.”
“Good God, man. Don't speak ill of the dead!”
“Oh, I mean no harm by it. You know, I can't think of one Australian who can hold a candle to Di. Messrs Packer and Murdoch have been letting us down. Name one local who is as sweet, as caring, as gracious and as beautiful as the Diana they packaged for us. You can't, can you? Perhaps you're right. We will never see her like again.”
By Dave Riley
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