By Craig Cormick
Based on highly reliable international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from the leading TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.
Iceman authenticated
The continuing controversy over whether the Alpine Iceman is a hoax is finally solved. The mummified remains of the Iceman, found in the Tyrolean Alps in 1991, have been argued over by Austrian and Italian authorities and then accused of being a hoax.
However, after mixed results from DNA testing, scientists identify documents found with the Iceman as Liberal Party social policy documents.
A team of cable-TV scientists, all finalists in the 1993 Carl Sagan look-alike contest, therefore announce the Iceman is at least 5000 years old.
Kohl-Berlusconi scandal
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi and German Chancellor Helmut Kohl are involved in an international scandal when news magazine Der Spiegel publishes photographs of them taking part in the international D-Day ceremony.
The photos, taken from a CNN celebrity spy satellite, show that Berlusconi and Kohl both secretly visited France early in June in spite of expressly not being invited.
The photos, although grainy, clearly show the two leaders wearing jackboots and plastic noses and moustaches, and firing air pellets at the soldiers re-enacting the D-Day landings.
Each says it was the other's idea and that he himself was only following orders.
Ronald Reagan visits North Korea
Following the limited success of Jimmy Carter's trip to North Korea, Ronald Reagan also announces his intention to visit.
The UN Security Council calls an immediate crisis session but is unable to prevent him boarding a privately chartered jet for Tokyo.
Kim Il Sung declares that any visit by Ronald Reagan will be viewed as an act of war.
The Japanese parliament, in disarray after a Yakuza-cable TV-corruption-sex scandal, is unable to react, and Reagan's plane touches down in Japan.
North Korean troops mobilise on the border. The world holds its breath. But Reagan gets lost in the airport terminal and inadvertently boards a flight to Laos. He is never seen again, despite stories of CNN spy satellite photos of a man in a stetson hat in a prison camp who keeps falling over.
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