Calls for Queen to waive

By Frank Noakes

LONDON -- We are not amused.

Elizabeth Windsor, her family and other animals, look set to feel the cold wind of financial uncertainty. Well, not so much a wind really, more of a fiscal breeze. There is speculation that the golden goose is getting a bit fed up and things are going to have to change.

First, there's all the royal exposes. And secondly, there's the recession. Now, Liz secured a nice little earner from Maggie, £7.9 million a year indexed at 7.5% -- and, better still, tax free! The rest of the gang did okay too. But now the natives are restless. Mutterings of “what about the workers?” have been heard -- not around trades hall of course.

But dear me, who to tell them? Robert, alas now never to be Lord, Sheldon drew the short straw. As chair of the Commons Public Accounts Committee, he has suggested that the queen make an adjustment to allow for the fact that inflation is not as high as he would like it to be.

But Sheldon, all of a lather, feels that it might be possible to settle out of parliament. This would avoid the possibility of “problems on the floor of the House ... demands for a much greater investigation into the role of the monarchy which could make things rather more complicated ... And she could say something about taxation on her own personal income. This could be the easiest way.” Gulp!

But perhaps it's all a teensy weensy bit late for some. The talk is that the Civil List -- that's the name of the royal gravy train -- might be derailed with much loss of life. Some Tories, not her majesty's loyal Labour leadership of course, are suggesting that all but the immediate family will have to find alternative employment, or as now-never-to-be-even-Sir Sheldon prefers, the lesser royals “merging into our national life”.

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